but it hit me like a diagnosis
by callmesandy
Summary: There are some things life just does not prepare one for, even a life like Tony's which has been pretty full of varied experiences. But a drunk call from Pepper Potts six months into their horrifyingly painful break, that he didn't expect. (post-cacw)


Notes: for the trope bingo square: Drunk fic. Title from Lisa Glatt's A Woman like That with Problems like Those. Thanks to A for beta help!

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There are some things life just does not prepare one for, even a life like Tony's which has been pretty full of varied experiences. But a drunk call from Pepper Potts six months into their horrifyingly painful break, that he didn't expect.

He waits five hours and then calls her back. "Why are you calling?" Her voice is a croak of pain.

He laughs, just a little. He loves her, he wants her back, of course he does, but it's pretty damn funny. "You called me first, baby."

"No I didn't," Pepper says. "I didn't. Oh my God, I did. Did you actually listen to the message?"

"Multiple times. I can play it for you, sweetheart, do you want to hear it?"

"No, no, not in the slightest. Don't you dare play it for me," Pepper says. "Did I say something about wanting you back?"

"More than once, you repeated it five times, in fact. There was about two minutes on the topic of my dick and wow, it made me feel really good. Thank you for that," Tony says.

"I bet you've made lots of people feel really good since we broke up," Pepper says, a little pouty.

"Not a single one. I haven't been rude to anyone, but if you're wondering if I've had sex with anyone since you, the answer is no. Not a one. Just me, my hand and I," Tony says.

"I didn't need to know that," she says.

"I didn't need to know how you think about me and that one time in Venice when you're alone with that great vibrator I made you for your last birthday but you decided to tell me," Tony says. "You want me to come over and tune it up?"

"I want you to never talk to me again," Pepper says. "I don't mean that."

"So I can come over?"

She hangs up on him.

Two hours later she calls him. "I left you a message, oh my God. I left you a message and you listened to it."

"Honey, we covered that two hours ago," Tony says. "Did you not remember?"

"I'm really hungover," she says. "Do you remember Jarvis used to make that - what was in that?"

"Dad made the original recipe," Tony says. "I'll email you the ingredients. Still 'pepper at i think about tony when I use my vibrator dot com'?"

She hangs up again. He emails her the hangover recipe.

She doesn't call the rest of the day. He's still in a good mood, though. He knew intellectually that Pepper missed him and loved him, the message makes it real. It makes him hopeful and validated. He knows it's stupid. Since he's never gotten over her and doesn't think he's capable of it, it makes him hope.

She comes to him. She always knows where he is, she's the CEO of his company, after all. So she finds him, even on Robinson Crusoe Island where he's currently holed up. She knocks on his door with an irritated expression on her face. "Do you know how much of a hike this is? Not everyone puts on an Iron Man suit and just flies their way up."

He lets her in and she immediately sits down on the sofa near the door. "I'm the only one here, so yes, everyone who lives here does fly up."

"The people who built this place? Where does your food come from? Even you can't automate everything," she says. She takes off her sensible boots and socks and rubs her feet.

"I can automate a lot," Tony says. "And for the rest I have bots, drones, you know all this. Or the occasional person I pay very generously. So you came to visit."

"What are you even doing here? There isn't enough space for you to be doing too much tinkering," she says.

"You'd be amazed," he says. "Honestly, I was really tired of being around people and people who don't like me even after I get their asses off the automatic arrest list, Rhodey said he'd kick my ass if I kept hovering, and one time when I was just trying to get some decent pizza and maybe a bagel, someone yelled at me about being mean to Captain America."

"So you moved to a remote island off Chile," she says. "What are you doing here?"

"Thinking outside the box, being conceptual," Tony says.

Pepper frowns. "Please don't make sexbots."

"I'm not," he says. "I'm really not. I was thinking about time travel, actually."

"That sounds like a really awful idea," she says. "Don't do that."

"I'm conceptualizing, thinking of paradoxes and trying to anticipate what might happen," he says. "I'm thinking it through. When I'm not getting drunken calls from the CEO of one of the largest companies in the world."

"Shut up," she says. She smiles, though, so he smiles back at her. "You know that night, I was out with Maria and Natasha, and some friends of theirs. You'd think one of them would have taken my phone or talked me into being over you."

"Can't be done," he says. "Because I love you. And you love me. And not just for my magnificent penis, to quote you, which I love doing as well."

"We broke up for a reason," Pepper says.

"Do you remember it?"

"Of course I do," she says. "You've set yourself on a path of self-destruction and you keep doing it, you're going to die and I can't be there for that."

"I don't know how to answer that. I don't want to die, Pepper. Or be without you," Tony says.

"You want to time travel," Pepper says. "That doesn't fill me with hope."

Tony shrugs. "Get back together with me anyway. Whenever I die, you'll be upset. And maybe in between I can take you some time fun."

She looks at him fondly. He knows that look, he loves that look. She gets up and embraces him, and they're finally kissing. "No time travel unless I think it's safe."

"I can live with that deal," Tony says. "You want to see the fantastic view from the deck? At night, you can see a million stars."

"It's afternoon right now," she says.

"And your feet hurt," he says. "I suggest bedrest. Did you actually bring any luggage?"

"Nothing more than what's in my backpack. I wasn't really planning to stay for long," she says and then she kisses him again. It's Pepper, every touch of their lips feels like his life falling into the right place.

"I have to warn you, it rains every day up this high," he says. "Also, this is you, making a booty call."

"This is you, happily answering that booty call," she say. She looks a little smug. "You missed me, too."

"No drunken messages, though. I'm feeling a little superior," he says.

"Shut up and fuck me," she says.

"Absolutely," Tony says. "That is happening right now. And then tomorrow and so on and so on, right?"

She shrugs in his arms. "You're going to die anyway."

"Let me show you the bed, nice view there, too," he says.


End file.
